So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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