Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
