Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
