Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
