hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
