I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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