i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
