the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
