It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
