I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
3 2 1 whiskey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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