you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can i not drive my cunt home
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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