i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
