The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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