Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
