Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
