After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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