I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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