Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hippo gnu deer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
