i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
