Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
