I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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