You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
