now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
