if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
