We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
