It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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