look no pants
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
