Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
