What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
