I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
