Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
