Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
