so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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