I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
