how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
