hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
