That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
