I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
