how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
