Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
