I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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