I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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