it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
