I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
