Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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