I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
