Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
tell me about the eggs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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