Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well you can't waste a boner
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
