it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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