Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
