i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
