I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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