Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
