I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
