my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
